30.6.11

Our '15 minutes'...

This morning at 6.15 am when I looked in the mirror: 'wow' was not the first thing that came to my mind. I tied up my hair -that nowadays looks more like a smelly dreadlock- and skipped the whole shower-thing all together, since the warm water here starts to flow at 7.30... So I slipped into my joggers, hopped into my 'Decathlon'-hiking boots, ignored the big red swolen bump on my chin, a mosquito was so kind to leave the night before and didn't give it any more thought (ok I did brush my teeth). We were going up a mountain. A big snowy one. Over 4700 meters to be exact. It wouldn't give a shit about what I would look like.

A few hours later. It was like a stampede, a tsunami of shouting Chinese people cornering us. Flashes where blinding me. It started with one girl asking me and BF V if she could take a picture of us. Of us... We were standing on a huge ass mountain with snow and a view to kill, but with her eyes to the ground, giggling and blushing she asked for a picture of us. I think it was our egos that agreed to it.

What happened next was one of the funniest and scariest things I've ever witnessed. We turned into the main attraction. People yelling how beautiful we were, taking pictures, jumping next to us to be in a picture with us, yes, there was even some queuing happening... Every step we took we got a camera shoved down our throats. In one day we gathered ourselfs a fan base of at least 70 people. I think that in two weeks, if you google 'Jade Snow Mountain' you will certainly find at least one picture of us in total oblivion surrounded by overly excited Chinese people.


One guy, who I suspect was stalking us the whole time taking pictures of us without asking, came up to us when we were safely below the timberline again to proudly show us all the pictures on his camera he had taken of us...

If one day you feel like a smelly lump of poo going down the stinky sewer, with nothing but flies and dirty rats giving you the well known eye, please, do yourself a pleasure: book a ticket to China.


 


















So we climbed a mountain, looking like... this.



















This all took place in China.



















And we made us some fans. Witness the birth of 'Valmen', or 'Carlentino', otherwise known as Carmen and Valentino...



















I made some new Asian friends...



























Told you I was going to visit the Yaks and water terraces!




















And almost broke my neck on the slippery rocks just for this picture.



And did some posing with the local flora. 'Borrowed' it... 


29.6.11

Lucky charm...

"I take pictule of cat elsewhele. I like cats." the girl in the coffee shop told me when I asked her about the very apparent lack of cats in Lijiang and the cat pictures on the wall in her little shop. Asia is stray cat ridden, but here I hadn't seen one tiny little miawing flufball at all. Yet.

So before I vent my burning desire to slowly grow a branch of bamboo up their asses and use their tiny little d*cks and t*ts as lucky charms and key chains in my own very special souvernir shop, I will first tell you about the beauty of Lijiang.

An UNESCO world heritage site with small cobled lanes, little wooden and stone bridges over the many crystal clear streams and a color palet of flowers that could possibly blind you. Lijiang is one of the most beautiful little towns I have ever seen. Quietly sitting at the bottom of snowy mountains and filled to the brim with colorful ponchos that would look good in a Vogue spread.

It was a sunny 30 degrees when we slowly strolled from shop to shop and I spotted my first cat in two days! Naxi I called her, after the original inhabitants of Lijiang. She was more than happy to cuddle up against me, purring and clearly enjoying all the petting. Little did I know that only a few steps further down the street I would see the rest of the Lijiang cat population. Neetly lined up, paw by paw, dangling on a key chain or in all their furry glory as a bag or pillow. Purr?

I ate pizza that night.

























Lijiang is simply gorgeous...

























...and so is my jumpsuit from Kunming :-).

















No other caption to add but props to the amazingly talented photographer who 'tags along with me on my trip' and takes beautiful looking pictures, but above all looks pretty damn handsome himself :-).


















The kind of lucky charm I can appreciate...


















No roof-top bars in Lijiang, but still some amazing views ;-).

























Having to choose was a brutal task.


















You can see her ears. Behind the plant there lies Naxi: the only living cat that still roams the streets of Lijiang.

28.6.11

Ni hao!

The dawn of a new day. Our first day in China! We arrived at 5am in de morning at Kunming and my sleeping pill had just kicked in. We travelled by sleeping bus and I struggled to get out of the deep trip that would normaly count as sleep. Instead of chirping birds heralding the new day, it was the sweet sound of Chinese men and women doing some soul-searching, going deep to collect as much saliva as possible and spit it our in one big green slimy clot. Nice to meet you too! All of a sudden, I was wide awake. It was everywhere...

Once Kunming woke from its much needed beauty sleep and collectively pulled up its graffiti ridden shades, sheer beauty revealed itself. Clothes... So many clothes... They were colorful, glistening, whispering and luring me into the shopping trap. And there it was: the diamond amongst all these beautiful gems: my new silky soft and light jumpsuit.

A few bottles of Chinese beer and one drinking game later the awefull sound and sight of spitting, bare bellied, crotch-scratching Chinese faded to the background. A little...


















We witnessed a celebration in honour of the 90th birthday of the communist party.


















The Chinese: the Belgians of Asia... Why not make the bridge simple, functional and... just straight... (Insulting two peoples at the same time... sorry... :-))


















Checking out every Chinese girl's biggest dream: sugary sweet inflamable polyester princess dresses.


















Kunming: the city where I met Brutus... the prince of the concrete jungle. Sorry M., not following your advice...


















We visited the obligatory temple...


























Chinese public toilets: a story in itself (to be continued). 'Don't shit', but please do spit...


16.6.11

Vang Vieng

We are in 'Oh oh Cherso'-heaven: Vang Vieng. After a rocky bus ride through the scenic mountain landscape of Laos, out of nowhere there is this little village, the pilgrimage of badly burned, smelly, binge drinking backpackers. Salou, Lloret da Mar, Rimini and of course Chersonissos: eat your heart out. This is Spring Break gone ugly. For one day we decide to just go with the flow. Literaly. Anyone familiar with the fenomenon tubing? Well let me paint you an ugly little picture...

You rent a tube big enough to keep your but afloat. Get yourself transported upstream. Alongside the river you will find one shabby bar after the other. At the first stop we couldn't do anything but stare. Jaws dropping. Beer pong, pole climbing, big slides and boozing through a funnel. We took a big gulp of our first bucket, just to fit in. Are you too drunk to order your next bucket of attrociously bad alcohol? Jump in your tube and let the current take you to the next alcohol filled hell hole. We actually managed to go all the way downstream, back to the village before sunset. I do believe the Lonely Planet, which states many westerners die during this ungodly experience.
The next day. This time no bike rides, but rest assured: there are other ways to torture me. Vang Vieng has its own 'Blue lagoon'. Hidden somewhere in a cave. Instead of renting a motor bicycle or go by tuk tuk like everyone else does, we decide to walk. It was only 6 kilometers. We'd do it in an hour. I cannot describe you thoroughly enough how I felt after 3 hours of walking, 200 meters of steep mountain climbing, an hour of leg breaking through the dark and slippery cave without a guide or path for that matter and we did not find an f-ing 'Blue lagoon'. The only guidance we had were some nearly vanished arrows that disapeared all together when we arrived at a cavity the size of the main hall of Grand Central Station in NYC. And there, in the pitch black of the cave there was a pool of water. Needless to day I did not take a refreshing dive there... The very best part though, we still had the way back ahead of us...




















Let the tubing start...




















The first bucket of many...




















That is how a true Vang Vieng Survivalista looks like after too many buckets and an occasional gulp of refreshing river water.


















To the very left you can see our riverside suite.



















There was one other cave we did not dare to enter...
























... but we did have a quick swim there.


















Luckily the way back was really beautiful.

PS. All the pictures you have been staring at are by VMCMV Just so you know...

14.6.11

Your President speaking

He was almost toothless and pretty old. While holding my hand he got a closer view at it with a magnifying glass and started murmering some semi-english words. From the questioning look on my face he understood I didn't have a clue about what he was mumbling, so he took a pen and wrote down two legendary words to describe me: 'No luxury'. I was not the girl that needed luxury. (a moment of silence) He continued. I possess a more than everage charm, that will not only cause men of all ages to stop and stare, but it will actually take me places. The Catshuis to be exact. I will become president of the Netherlands... Well... I wonder what he really saw...

The old man was sitting in a large room, filled with Buddha statues and fake flowers. He pointed towards the back. The man who created the park of surealistic Buddhas we were visiting was lying in the back. Dead. So you understand, we needed to take a closer look. And there he was, all dry and crusty in all his glory encapsulated in a round cofin with a glass lid. Wonderful. A 15 year old corps.

After this eye-opening experience we moved on to Laos. First stop: Vientiane, the qaint little main capital of this poor but stunningly beautiful country. By now BF V has found the very best way to please his lady: rent bikes to go for rides that last right through the very hottest part of the day and sleep in hostel rooms without windows. You know... 'cause I'm the girl that needs no luxury...





















The almighty truth-telling man with no teeth | Me desecrating some statues | And here I'm trying to make up for it


















In South East Asia you can by yourself a new face at every street market.




















We also took a sunset 'cruise' over the mighty Mekong river.






















In Vientiane we visited some more temples | It has its own Arc de Triomphe since the French have one day made their territorial pee here | A Monk gone AWOL | Beer in Laos tastes the same as beer tastes really everywhere | The boulevard of Vientane comes to life just before sunset


7.6.11

The new me

One of the main reasons to go traveling in the first place was to learn from experience. So far it's proving to be an effective way to gain a little wisdom and skill. I can now pee while standing, sleep while sitting up, enjoy grilled duck and shrimp flavored potato chips, go from point A to B in a Tuk Tuk and stay alive. I've learned how to see the beauty in myself after a 12 hour trip through an unpenetrable jungle with Steve Irwin's Asian brother as our guide, hunting Hornbills and Gibbons, while casually ignoring giant thick and crusty spiders sitting in their webs waiting just for me, climbing over a 100 steps (I stopped counting after my first breakdown) after seeing the most magnificent waterfall (in my life at least) and being sucked dry by leeches and mosquitos. The image you see in the mirror after an experience like this is the new you. You learn how to deal with it. Make-up has little use and your hair can be blow-dryed and styled so beautifully, the moment you wake up the one thing you want to do is to get it out of your face and neck. Only beer helps, yes beer, you've read it correctly, I'm a changed person already.

Now it's my humble guess that you want pictures. Right? We'll put your scroll button to the test and see how far you get.


In Thailand they speak Thai and Thenglish...

Did I mention we met up with M. while in Bangkok? She tought us how to eat from food stalls alongside the road and not getting too ill the next day...






































We also visited some temples and enjoyed more traditional Thai fashion.


And drooled over some fabulous cheap ass knock-offs which eventually ended up on my fingers.


This could have been the last picture taken of us if it wasn't for our supreme survival skills that got us out of that Tuk Tuk alive.


















But we lived to see this view of Bangkok at night.


















And it's off to Ayutthaya.



















Where I quickly became friends with Pete, one of the many, but without a doubt the cutest vilage cat.







































Ayutthaya is famous for its many old temple ruins, which where indeed beautiful.

After Ayutthaya we took a train to Pak Chong, a small city near the Khao Yai national park. My fabulous anti-leech socks should not distract from the breathtaking view here. Focus!

















We've seen some monkey love...





















And some monkeys kill each other...

Meet Burt. He told me he'd have me for desert. Which is entirely possible, since he's the size of my head.


















I convinced Burt that eating me would result in a beer belly since the amount of beer flooding through my body was already substantial. So he skipped out and I got to see this waterfall. Which was pretty and featured in 'The Beach'. But...



...this waterfall rocked just a little more...





































And with this jungle-wear pic I leave you. On our way to our last Thailand spot now.